LOVE, LOGIC AND ROMANCE: ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN

By Adeyemo Mercy Adeola

Act like a lady, think like a man is a book published in 2009 and one of the New York times bestselling book which incorporates paradoxical and antithetical points of view. Written and artistically worded by Steve Harvey, it provides valuable insights and detailed guide on how women can take calculated glances into the world of men, offering them the understanding that would assist them in maintain a healthy relationship with them . At first, one may think “what does this mean?” Or “this sounds contradictory”. Steve Harvey, in describing his book says “Everything you need to know about men and relationships is right here”.

In part 1, The Mind-set Of A Man, talks about how most men are driven by purpose and the aim to settle down with a good financial stance capable of catering for the needs of his wife and children. Consequently, we see three Ps that show that a man acknowledges his woman and these are: Profess, which means the ability of a man to boldly acknowledge his wife in the presence of his family and friends. The next is Provide and the last is to Protect. However, financial constraint is just as real as relationships, it could alter the course or plans put in place. The average Nigerian family will definitely not consider the three Ps mentioned in Steve Harvey’s book. After all, it is one who has filled his belly enough that will provide for another. However, this doesn’t happen everywhere, some persons somewhere still share the same POV with Steve Harvey and agree that the three Ps have a way of affecting marriages.

Another is what is expected of the women and these are: Support, loyalty and the cookie. The first is said to be vital in that every man loves a supportive woman, one who can pat his back and say “you can do it”. Loyalty is said to be a key in preserving and enjoying a relationship. The latter is said to be the ability of a woman to sexually satisfy her husband. Frankly, the bias in the writer’s tone is a bit disturbing because he portrays sex as so important a determinant of trust and mutual bond. Marriages are evolving and while sex may be one of the factors engineering a union, there are other points of focus which requires as much attention as sex. The last segment in this part addresses the need for women to avoid the statement “we need to talk and some other words that make men run for cover” as it makes them think that they “either did something wrong or did not something” And why tell the Man you need to talk when you can just talk?

The second part is where men are considered impulsive, that is Men do whatever they deem fit. However, Why Men Do What They Do?, this is a question of how men are able to differentiate between “sports fish” and “keepers”, that is, between women who are ” the marrying types” and “the playthings”. There are several codes to this as men are able to detect these types of women from statements and Impression given during conversations with them. Furthermore, it talks on how to handle ” Mama’s boys” and “Why men cheat”. In handling ” Mama’s boys”, wives are expected to set rules and regulations that would guide the mother-son relationship. Steve talks about a letter written by a woman during his shows stating her plight on how she has been enduring the close relationship between her husband and his mother which has resulted into leaving his family for his mother’s house at odd hours in the bid to run errands for her. The man is inherently the head of the home, if it were in an African setting, such man would be considered a weak one but, who makes these rules anyway? Boy-children these days forge stronger bonds with their mothers but, this doesn’t excuse such timidity from any Man. In whatever case, a man should own up.

Steve also lists various reasons why men cheat and how wives can tackle it.Although, it’s quite surprising that the wives are supposed to “tackle” cheating. Talking about the letter, Steve mentioned that her husband’s behaviour was her fault because she failed to set standards for him. In his words, “Let me tell you why a man will get up out of a warm bed with a beautiful naked woman in it, pull on his clothes, grab his keys, and get in his car at 10:42pm, with his children and woman in the house alone, to drive all the way across town to bake cakes doggone near the middle of the night for his mother’s bake sale: because his mother has set requirements and standards for that man, and his woman has not. ” Reading this, one would actually see that wifely duties go beyond mothering children or making delicacies, a wife with a strong character will not hesitate to outline some dos and don’ts to regulate his relationship with his parents when it comes to matters involving her and her children. Nevertheless, the burden of priority lies with the man, he is expected to the persons who come first on his list. Considering the religious perspective, for Christians, a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves unto his wife…” More so, there are things a woman should not keep quiet about or try to endure as they cause a long-term problem in marriage.

Lastly, part 3, The Playbook: How To Win The Game, talks about how men respect standards and that women should place themselves in a position whereby they are able to set certain standards and requirements for their husbands and they comply. It also talks about “the five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep”, that is, five questions a woman should ask before settling down for marriage. It prescribes “The Ninety-Day Rule” that helps women to earn the respect they deserve from their spouse. In concluding chapters, Steve explains the hurdles that comes with being a single mom in a new relationship. He also talks about the “strong, independent and lonely women” ranging from their office duties, household duties, education and so on sprinkled with some appraisal of how creative, multi-tasking and excellent women can be. Finally, he talks about “how to get the ring” and provides answers to frequently asked questions. Out of the million lessons, the “Ninety-Day Rule” is the highlight. However, it may not tackle all situations, therefore there is a need to apply wisdom on religious, psychological and physical basis. Most importantly people should learn to take whatever they dish to others, every adult knows what it is they do and should not make excuses for their actions or inactions. I mean, how else will a woman clinch a “Prince Charming”, if she is not also “Princess charming”? Think about it.

The book, though couple-centric, is instructive in that youths can gain knowledge on how to avoid the ditch of undefined relationships and avoid mistakes that would lead to life-long regrets.