By Oluwole-ojo Timilehin
Can we go back to the time when this holiday seshe beere?? It’s just like when you dream those sweet dreams that make you want to stay asleep forever, the ones that could make you force yourself back to sleep just to continue dreaming. And of course, such dreams would require a bucket of water to be emptied on your head to break the covenant between you and the sleep. Like the abrupt end of such dreams, the holiday is over, pium, just like that. And we are awakened to the harsh reality of school resumption. After all, it doesn’t take much to resume, does it? Just bleach, starch and iron your white and black costumes and make sure to show up at your 8am classes with a wonderfully contrived smile on your face. What message are you then trying to pass across? You’re telling anyone who cares to listen that you’re living the absolute best years of your life and if, perhaps they’re not the best years, it’s up to you to keep up the show.
In the midst of the resumption frenzy, the ‘ghosters’ who immediately go silent and snub everyone once they leave school suddenly emerge as if they never left, with the widest smiles, a few days to resumption, just like the awakened Seven Sleepers coming out of their cave.
What’s interesting about new sessions is the way everyone automatically falls into two groups, those who are eager to resume and those who aren’t. And what’s more interesting is how completely different the motivation of people in the same group could be. For instance, in the set that’s eager to resume, we all know that’s where the majority of the freshmen fall under. Most of them cannot hold back from resuming on the very first day, their steps guided by the zeal to drink from the cup of university experience which they’ve only heard about till now. Some of them have done a really good job of stripping the market of any black and white clothing available, forgetting that they only have just one law course to offer for the first semester.
However, who is to say that they actually care less about proudly sporting their full TomTom outfits to elective classes and suffocating green-eyed individuals that fell short of the requirements to get admitted into the hallowed faculty. The goody two shoes who run to school at the slightest chance, like their homes are as drab as Okro soup. The so-called serious students with 0% steeze and literal book worms. With the way they love school so much, they may as well turn to UI property. Better laugh at them now, because they’ll later laugh at you when Book of Life is out.
Also, there’s always that set of friends that agree to resume late together, in solidarity. And there’s always the Judas among them that’ll mistakenly wake up one morning inside UI on the first day of resumption only to start explaining his full life story to his betrayed friend(s).
Another group of school lovers is the set of “Stalelites”, that would run from home to resume with the Freshers. Most of them are actually last borns children who could no longer bear the burden of being the Housekeeper and Cook for their households so, they’d rather run back to the shege of UI than scrub pots and run errands all day. It is called picking your evil.
Then the most controversial and interesting set of people running to resume immediately are the relationship kids and woman hunters. What a long and lonely holiday it has been for Shalewa, who actually misses the companionship of her babe. Precious, on the other hand, actually misses just the shawarma, suya and other gifts and attention she gets from boys on campus. While people were getting fatter in their homes she was getting slimmer because school is actually where she gets to live big and enjoy princess treatment.
Either way, relationship kids will soon be flooding the not-so-secret hangout, actively attending hostel 101 lectures and pouring pepper in the eyes of any single Pringle. Indeed, the perilous times are here for the singles.
Then there are those who came woman hunting among the freshers. This happens to be the most controversial set, you wouldn’t even believe they actually exist. Unfortunately, their village people have tied their destiny down with the excessive love of women. When Rema sang “I too like woman, me I no dey gboron”, he was definitely inspired by this set of fellows. What’s more amusing is the credulous girls that fall for their nefariously creative, yet sweet and soothing lies. After spending hours by the day shining their teeth at their texts designed to let loose all the butterflies in the belly, they can’t wait to meet the prince charming behind the texts. They all fall under the relationship kids category anyway.
There are those who have resumed early because they are determined to stage the most monumental academic comeback of their lives after seeing their judgment in the book of life. And what better way to start it than resuming school on the very first day, or even a week before school actually resumes. There are also the business gurus and the legalpreneurs who stop at nothing to put their businesses right in the faces of everyone. They go back and forth, advertising their brand, telling almost everyone of their products and services and assuring them of the best outcomes. These individuals are the ones actively “chasing the bag” and regardless of the shege UI put them through, their businesses do not take the fall. However, some of them find a means to balance their work/school life while the others just damn balance. Who needs first class when there’s money, anyway?
The last but not the least, The swagger-full ones. The “make I resume early ke? Wetin go come do my steeze?!” gang . When it comes to maintaining steeze nobody rivals this set of individuals. They’d probably pop by in school a month or more after the resumption date with their steeze on a 101%. Sometimes they actually can’t resume on time because they lack the funds to live the flashy lives they’re used to living in school. Although, it doesn’t mean they’ve been leading a fake life but, bad things happen to good people and because of this, the glow up they had planned after telling others to fear their return didn’t go as planned.
Nevertheless, let’s blame it all on the expensive maintenance of steeze.Whatever you decide to spend your time doing, make sure to keep your steeze steezing, what could be a better spectacle than growing through a lot and still winning this whole school game? We can’t wait to see you this glowing through this session, we’re rooting for you!
The Law Press Organisation, University of Ibadan 
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